Application Form to Date My Daughter

That of course assumes I have a daughter and/or get married an' pro-create.
I don't have offspring, yet I already feel bad for them.
'Specially when they get to their teens.
The following is a rough cut of an application form I intend to have potential boyfriends fill out while they're waiting for my daughter to get ready.
If I can't get a son named Guy, I figure this'll make for a nice compromise.

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Name:
Birthdate:
Occupation:
Shoe Size:
Contact Information:

Please note that any information given will be remembered by both parents at every meeting hereafter.
Your answers reflect the quality of your character and also heavily influences your chances of dating our daughter.
No pressure.
We just want HONEST answers.

1. Do You know the answer to this question?

2. How did you meet our daughter?

3. What color was her underwear that day?

4. Honest opinion, what do you think of her?

5. Have any sexual scenarios played out in your mind involving her yet?
5a. If so, how many and please describe one in great detail.

6. How many wet dreams have involved her so far?

7. Did you know her father killed a man once? On purpose.

8. You do realize there's enough room in the backyard to bury one more body right?

9. What were you doing a year ago from today?

10. Do you know the muffin man?

11. If you had 5 words to describe yourself, use two of them now.

12. What do you plan to do with your life?

13. Do you like my throwing knife collection? I keep them sharpened daily.

14. My wife has a great rack doesn't she?

15. Do you think that's why my daughter enjoys wearing low-cut tops?

16. If I tell you I want my daughter home by 11pm you have her home by...?

17. Do you believe in Scientology?
If yes, please consider application void and vacate premises immediately.

18. What is your general plan for the first date?

19. Are you expecting physical intimacy?
19b. If so, what kind and for how long?

20. What's the number for 911?

21. Do you have insurance?

*Please note, for the next series of questions, you might want to think VERY carefully before you answer.

22. Lakers fan?

23. Chargers fan?

24. Fan of Bill Walton?

25. Do you like penguins?

Thank you for your time.
Please drop off your application along with your blood, urine, and semen sample at [home address] during the hours of 3pm-6pm.
After analysis and a tribal council, we will get back to you within the next couple days and let you know.
Good luck.
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Again, rough cut.
Best I could come up with after 10mins. of brainstorming.
Ideally the final draft will have 50 questions.
Possibly 50 pages.
We'll see.
Any ideas, suggestions, criticisms are greatly appreciated.

And now to address a few questions the first proofreaders had.
- I like random.
- Been a Lakers an' Chargers Fan since birth.
- Bill Walton's an inside joke between myself an' my best friend. Personally, I'm not a fan of his.
- I figure if the kids willing to fill this form out, he's two steps closer to bein' a son-in-law. Ideally my daughter would have a better sense of who the crazies are then her father did.

Current Brain Age: 20
Current Wii Fitness Age: 26
The Random Quote:
"Excuse me miss. Have I turned you down before?" - Anonymous